Posts tagged perception

Any Good Black Men?

The Question: “I’ve read about and heard quite often that there are no quality black men available for black women.

So do you think there’s a shortage of good, quality, marriage-material black men (for black women)? Or is it just media hype? Why do you think the “shortage” is a popular stereotype?”

My Response on what “good” is and the perception of black men as reposted by my homegirl, @mochawriter, on her blog, For Coloured Girls:

“I got 16 responses from the Facebook note I created. about good black men.  One of my favorite responses is from my best friend, OD. It’s kind of long, but I wanted to highlight it because he makes some really good points and prompted me to make a post about good black women (coming very soon). You can check out the other responses here. Here’s what OD said. (I co-sign with everything):

I don’t know if you can define the word good because what’s good to me isn’t necessarily good for everybody else. But there are general things we could probably all agree on:

1. Someone who sets and works towards goals.
2. Someone who is not abusive.
3. Someone that exhibits the characteristics of a good father (assuming kids are being considered).

3b. Someone who shares your philosophy on parenting (I think this might get overlooked or maybe I place too much importance on it, haha).

4. Someone you have some sort of attraction to.

5. Someone you share spiritual ideologies with.

6. Someone who vibes with your personality.

These are in no particular order. Am I missing something?

Now in terms of a man shortage, I’m up in the air. I don’t think there’s a shortage, but I do recognize that alot of my brothers out here don’t have the tools to succeed. Sometimes it’s their own fault, and many times it’s not. Some people don’t even realize the mess that they are in.

That being said, I also believe that this Western society has a historical pattern of highlighting the shortcomings of black men.  Western media outlets have only begun showing black men in a positive light in the last 30 years compared to many, many, many years of collectively trumpeting, “Don’t trust them niggas over there!”

Now we are in an age where there are a lot of statistics floating around about everything you can imagine. Almost all the statistics I see about black people as a whole, whether in America or Africa or South & Central America, are depressing. Almost all of the news I see about black people (outside of Athletics and Entertainment) is depressing. But I look at this news critically because I know that news outlets tend to have the view that tragic news is always better than good news, ESPECIALLY when it comes to our people. Imagine if the ONLY news you ever heard about white people was that they steal, are lazy, are 98% illegal, aren’t too bright…that would definitely shape our perceptions of white people when we saw them, right? Of course, we know that description is what shapes many people’s views of Mexicans. In the same vein, black men are also viewed through similar coal-colored lenses.

Yes, there are a lot of bad black men out there but there are bad men of every race. Bad black men seem to be highlighted ad nauseum in this society and are given NO credit when/if they reform their ways (usually considered once bad, always bad). “Good” black men go about their days unnoticed unless they’re on their way to making millions. I say all this just to say, that it’s definitely not as bad as it seems when it comes to the state of black men. Yes, there is a myriad of problems in our community of black men, but there are many people in the new generation that don’t want to see history repeat itself.

I think it’s just as hard to find a “good” woman as it is to find a “good” man. But as those eternal words go,”Seek and you shall find.”

“

http://forcoloredgurls.wordpress.com/2009/08/15/any-good-black-men-part-2/#comments