Naka on Wood

Patton Oswalt FTW

dealbreaker:

GUESTBREAKER: You Ruined ChristmasYeah, I know my family is a little different, and I’ve accepted that. But when my mom pulled me aside as we were about to leave and forbid me from letting you anywhere near our house again, I knew a line had been crossed somewhere. Now, I’m not implying all of the awful things that happened at my parents house were strictly your fault, but I do want to know how you seemed to be involved in worst of the calamity. Like, at what point it seemed like a good idea to tell my young cousins Santa was not only a lie, but an evil republican, capitalist propaganda machine used to make poor families shell out thirty dollars for a tickle me Elmo? Also, did you absolutely have to add the fact that Santa is an anagram for Satan? They are six, they don’t even know what an anagram is! They just think Santa is going to send them to the fiery pits of hell now. Then you told my father, who made a whole vegetarian option of Christmas dinner just for you, that you were vegan and couldn’t touch any of it. When did you become vegan? In the twenty minutes before we sat down for dinner? That was my dad! The man who made my prom date cry when he didn’t have me home on time. You know what? Get your vegan, dream crushing ass the fuck out of my car. Oh, and your luggage too.
A Very, Very True Guest Dealbreaker written by Allison.

Dealbreak FTW

GUESTBREAKER: You Ruined Christmas

Yeah, I know my family is a little different, and I’ve accepted that. But when my mom pulled me aside as we were about to leave and forbid me from letting you anywhere near our house again, I knew a line had been crossed somewhere. Now, I’m not implying all of the awful things that happened at my parents house were strictly your fault, but I do want to know how you seemed to be involved in worst of the calamity. Like, at what point it seemed like a good idea to tell my young cousins Santa was not only a lie, but an evil republican, capitalist propaganda machine used to make poor families shell out thirty dollars for a tickle me Elmo? Also, did you absolutely have to add the fact that Santa is an anagram for Satan? They are six, they don’t even know what an anagram is! They just think Santa is going to send them to the fiery pits of hell now. Then you told my father, who made a whole vegetarian option of Christmas dinner just for you, that you were vegan and couldn’t touch any of it. When did you become vegan? In the twenty minutes before we sat down for dinner? That was my dad! The man who made my prom date cry when he didn’t have me home on time. You know what? Get your vegan, dream crushing ass the fuck out of my car. Oh, and your luggage too.

A Very, Very True Guest Dealbreaker written by Allison.

Dealbreak FTW

dealbreaker